Pat's Chats
We are frequently asked if we think a child is ready for potty training. As a parent you are understandably anxious to put the mess and expense of diapers behind you. (No pun intended) However, as with most situations in child development, if you are patient until your child is ready, the learning will be much quicker and more permanent. Remember, when your baby graduates from college you probably won't even remember the exact age he or she potty trained.
Here are some readiness signs as well as some do's and don'ts of potty training.
Your child may be ready to begin potty training when he or she:
is 18-24 months old. (boys are typically later getting started)
has walked and run well for 4-5 months and stoops and stands back up easily. (This addresses muscle development in the trunk area, which is vital to potty training)
is speaking well enough to tell you he or she has to use the bathroom.
knows when he or she is soiling the diaper and tells you.
has good attention span - can sit still and play with toys for 5-10 minutes.
is willing to release a toy he is holding when requested. (indicates willingness to 'let go' of stool.)
is cooperative - does not respond to all requests with "No". (without this potty training can become a battleground)
likes to imitate the behavior of others.
When you, as the parent, have plenty of time to provide consistency in training. (don't start something like this if you are about to leave on a vacation or are changing jobs, etc.)
Do not begin toilet training if:
There is a recent (or near future) change in the family such as a new baby, mother starting work, child beginning daycare, new house, etc.
Child is going through an uncooperative period - increased temper tantrums, "no" to everything, etc.
Don't, don't,, don't, start and stop. Once you have decided to switch from diapers to underpants or pull-ups keep moving forward. If your child has a bad day just be patient - he or she needs your guidance and really doesn't want you to give up on him or her. If you throw in the towel it will be twice as difficult to get cooperation the next time you try.
Other thoughts and suggestions:
Modeling can be very helpful to a child in toilet training. If the parent is not comfortable being observed, possibly a sibling or other child at day care could help.
Try to use the actual toilet for training whenever possible. This will probably mean a stool in front of your home toilet but it will eliminate the need to make another big change later (from potty chair to toilet).
Experts in the field are very pro underpants vs. pull-ups. This is because the child receives the feedback that he or she is wet as soon as he urinates. I tend to agree but if the messiness of this method is too much for the parent, by all means use pull-ups instead of waiting too long to begin training. Another thought- buy rubber pants to go over the training pants.
If your child is in day care it is very important to discuss all your ideas about training with the teacher and make sure he or she is on the same page. Tell her what words you're using, signs or frequency of attempts, etc. so that the child is not confused. And follow up frequently to make sure you are both seeing the same progress.
In the beginning it will probably mean no big trips to the mall or other outings as these are accidents waiting to happen. With toilet training timing is everything.
Some thoughts on positioning for the novice:
A little girl should be taught to place her hands near the front of the seat, allowing her body to slant forward. If she is not back far enough, she can end up with wet pants and feel very defeated.
A little boy can be placed backward - facing the tank with his hands on the tank allowing his body to slant toward the rear of the bowl. The rear facing position makes for a smooth transition to standing in front of the toilet. (boys seem to get confused if first they are facing one direction and then told to face the other, then we get puddles) Also, as they get older the 'potty targets really do help them learn to take aim!
So, Good Luck with potty training and remember, as with all things in parenting, a little sense of humor goes a long, long way!
Pat DePan,
BS Developmental Psychology
Owner of Care-A-Lot Childcare Centres, Inc. since 1985
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